My life is always an uphill battle
But it is love for this fight I feel
For if I ever reach the top
It will be just all downhill from here
“At night time I scream myself to sleep
Scared of the crippled man crawling that noone else can see” - Possessed
Niether broken mind nor breaking heart
If reality I do depart
Hoped for water to calm the flame
Only ashes to see as rain
I WILL DESTROY
I WILL BE REBORN
I WILL LIVE
Drew this around 5 years ago
"Gave her my heart but she wanted my soul"
Until that day
My mind composes
Of decomposing dying roses
My body decays by elemental explosives
Emotions eroded every ounce of hope I once held
My body frame disintegrated to rotting pain as life erupted to blood clotting in my brain and my cran-ium
Was the above the earth’s crust hell
What is this life of mine the product of multiple cells over time that evolved to have cyanide in my veins like vines, poisoned seeds to grow into a tree that’s only purpose was to suffer and die
Why am I like a bird born with bones of stone? an artist who spent his whole life inscribing his name in a beautiful way on his tombstone?
What is this philosophy of self destruction
This inherent nature of corruption
Of the sole human function to survive
Why is the end of my life all I see before my eyes
Why is the nature of my existence to want to die?
No psychologist predicted my vision of apocalypse where the sky would rip eternal eclipse like a giant wrist that would be slight and the blood would drip and the planet would be nothing but my tormented imagination of gore and horror
The tales of suicidal lore
With last words of
I can’t take this anymore…
My life’s true meaning seems to be to just live it
To destroy create grow and have life to give it
To live without fear of death’s visit
I don’t have a say on when it is with my life I’ll have to pay
But I can choose the way I live until that fateful day
My heart burst
My ribs shattered
My skin ripped
Please, no
No, please
Why
Stop
Stop ‘there’s nothing you can do’
No
Please ‘Accept it!
Accept it motherfucker!’
Accept
Excep- goodbye
Cry so violently
Scream so softly
Black flame consumption
Please,
No…
The most beautiful flower I had ever seen in my life
Had the sharpest thorns
I never knew of them until my flesh was torn
The thorns broke off the flower and were lodged in my skin
But I grew to see the flower as beautiful as it had ever been
December 24th, 2011
I cheated death a year ago. Something like today I attempted suicide. I was hospitalized, spent weeks with psychologists… It was a long road and was extremely hard to ‘get better’, I still get depressed, anxious, and obsessive compulsive but I’m living my life. Reflecting on the last year of my life is strange, I’ve felt so much pain, a lot of hurt, but I’ve smiled and felt things I never would have felt if I had succeeded in ending my life. The reasons I’m still here; Love, expression, a world of oppressed people and a planet that needs saving from a suicidal humanity, and the right drugs. I’m going to finish high school, travel, go to university, no matter what live an adventurous life. ‘Love and fight’ are the words I want to live by until I’m dead.
